Smalltown Realizations
by NewGirl
Summary: Jess has his first book published, and this is it. Unoriginal idea, I know, but just check it out.
1. Default Chapter

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Jess' Book

NewGirl

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Disclaimer: Don't own anything.

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Small-town Realizations

Jess Mariano

I grew up in New York. I was born and raised there. It wasn't until I was seventeen that my mother shipped me off to live with my uncle in Small-town, USA. My first thought was that the place was Hell. Everyone knew everyone. The town was happy. They had those cheesy town meetings, too. It scared me, but what really scared me was her. There was a girl. It's sounds rather clichéd, but there was always a girl. What scared me the most was that I found her to be the only one in the town that was anywhere near sane, the only one worth talking to. 

She was smart, funny, witty, and the most beautiful woman I'd ever seen. Of course, and the time she was still a girl. Still naive. She wasn't like the rest of the girls I knew. Not like the ones in New York that tried to look good. The ones who wore the makeup to the point where the looked like clowns. The ones who hardly wore anything other than makeup. No. She was different. She was like a goddess. Beautiful wouldn't even do her justice, and of course, just like the stories and just with my luck she already had a guy. Not that that ever stopped me.

I never pushed her to like me. I acted less jerk-ish with her. Less of an asshole. I'm not saying I was prince charming, but I wasn't to my full James Dean statis when it came to her. She had that effect on me. It wasn't until months later that it hit me. It wasn't infatuation that I felt for this girl. It was love. That's what scared me the most. I'd never had anyone in my life that I had ever loved. My mother never told me those words, and I had never met my father. I loved her. I was in love with her, but I couldn't be with her because of the guy, because of the boyfriend.

After a night of hanging out with my new _friend_, I of course screwed up. The princess got hurt while she was with me, and I was held to blame. I'm not saying I was wrongfully accused. I wasn't. I was driving the car. I wrecked the car. She got hurt. That's the way it goes, but I screwed up. So, back to New York it was. When I had first gotten to the small town, I wanted nothing more than to go back home, but when I finally got my wish it felt wrong. It didn't feel like home anymore. It felt foreign. Territory in which I did want to be in. A place that wasn't mine. Of course, I could have made it mine again. Gone out with my friends and cause more trouble. Let the people know that Jess Mariano was back and as bad as ever, but I didn't. I couldn't because she had changed me. She had shown me a world where I didn't have to hide. Where I didn't have to be emotionless like I had been before. A place where I had at least one person who cared. Really cared. That's why I came back. And then she confused me.

I expected at least a smile and a welcome home. If I was lucky a hug, but I didn't expect the kiss. The kiss scared me as much as the realization that I loved her had. Her lips were softer than I had imagined. And trust me, **I imagined. **Then she left. She ran yelling, 'welcome home.' I didn't see her for three months after that. Apparently, she went to Washington, D.C. for some school thing. It hurt that she had left. It hurt that she didn't tell me she was leaving, but what hurt the most was the realization that she didn't want to be with me. She still had the Mr. Good guy boyfriend. While I was just the Bad Boy, the friend. It hurt that she didn't love me like I loved her.


	2. Chapter Two

Chapter One

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Before Stars Hollow

In the seventeen years that I lived in New York, I learned a lot of things. One of them was that it was hard to rely on and trust people. When I was a kid, I'd get home from school and find my mom passed out of the couch after drinking all day and night. I taught myself to read, cook my own food, and of course the fine art of theft. 

Dominic, one of my very good friends, was an orphan. His parents died when he was little. His grandmother raised him until he was ten until she died. He didn't want to leave New York and all of his friends so when social services showed up, he freaked. Packed a bag, found me, and we took off. We had no money, no food, and no idea where we were going. No one knew we were even gone. Especially, my ever so absent mother, Liz. We were gone for two years. I don't even think Liz called the cops. I'm sure she was happy that her pain in the ass son was out of her hair. But sooner or later, we got caught.

Dominic and I never ever stole just for the hell of it. Things just happened that way. I remember the last time I was with Dominic. We went into this drug store that was somewhere actually pretty close to Liz's apartment. There was this little cup of spare change and dollars that was for fixing something or another in the store. It was something about a leaky roof, I think. Anyway, when there was a guy in front of us I grabbed the cup while Dominic grabbed some food. The guy behind the counter saw us, and all hell broke loose after that. We ran, the guy called the cops; they caught up to us, and found out who we were. They sent Dominic to an orphanage and found Liz. 

I'll never forget what happened after she showed up at the police station, but I'll tell you, it was not a Brady Bunch moment. The second we got out side she was screaming her head off at me. 

"What the hell were you thinking, Jess?! Do you realize what went through my mind when I got a call from the cops saying my son was there, do you? God, Jess, you can't do this. Don't you get it? You just can't? I had social services on my back all night! They'll take you away from me, Jess. They will."

"How long have I been gone?" I asked her.

"What-why?"

"How long?" we stood there in the middle of the sidewalk staring each other down. 

"A month?" she said with a shrug, "Maybe two."

"See, this is why it happens. You wouldn't even notice if social services took me away, and you sure as hell wouldn't care!"

Let's just say, things went even further down hill after that.

When I got back to the apartment with Liz, it was terrible. Her boyfriend was there. I, or course, me being me, mouthed off to him. Let me just say, that it is very hard to fight of a drunken boxer guy who has decided to beat his girlfriends kid. I couldn't fight then, but trust me, I could later. After that, every wrong thing I did wasn't out of necessity. I stole some more money and took classes at a local 'self defense' place. I caught on rather quickly. I took what I learned there and meshed it with the other things that I'd learned on the streets and from my friends. 

I did a lot of shit before I went to Stars Hollow. It took a long time for Liz to realize that I was in deep, way over my head. A few months after I had gotten back from taking off with Dom, there was a new boyfriend. Now, to this one, I did nothing. He was just drunk, or on something, or maybe both, but apparently, he was mad. He started to beat the shit out of me so, that's when I hit him. And I kept hitting him, and hitting him, and hitting him. Liz wasn't there, but when she got home a few minutes later, she found me curled up in the corner of my room, blood on the floor, blood on me, and the boyfriend gone. We didn't exactly hear from him after that.

A/N: It's short, I know, but I'm trying. The movers are coming to pack things up at my house tomorrow morning so they will be packing up my computer. It may not be back up for a while. I wanted to write as much as I could. Hope you liked this chapter. It's dark, but I figure that's the way most of Jess' past is. I like writing from his POV. I've never written from a guy's POV. Especially, one as layered as Jess. It's kind of cool. Anyway, I'll stop talking. Review please! Reviews to me are like coffee is to Lorelai, so you get how much I love it.


	3. Chapter Three

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Jess' Book

Chapter Two

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Six and One-half Dozed of the Other

I'm not exaggerating when I tell you about my childhood. It's not pretty, and it's no fairy tale. There were six of us. Six kids who didn't have the best parents or even parents at all. We were a family no matter what anyone said. When people asked us if we were all friends, the answer was always no. It was kind of like the end to Lethal Weapon 4, but no so cheery. Anyway, there was Nick, Darren, Angel, Krystal, and Meri. I was close with all of them, especially Meri. She never liked her name, Meredith, so she shortened it. My relationship with Meri was complicated. One day we were friends and the nest we were more. I can't say that I was in love with her, because I wasn't. I only ever loved the princess of Stars Hollow.

It was when I was seventeen that the family stated to break. It seems that it happens a lot; the point where people grow apart. I was one of the ones in denial. I hate change. Every time there's been a change in my life, it's been bad. Nick and Darren had gotten themselves into something that would ruin them. They started dealing. At first, it was for quick cash, but it didn't stop there. 

We were all going out to dinner at some stake house. Nick told me he was supposed to make a drop in the back alley. I told him not to, and for once he listened. He slipped the drugs into my pack for safekeeping, and the second the manager of the restaurant saw it, he called the police. They showed up all to quickly. Nick told the Cops the pack was his and forced all the heat onto him. Of course because I was carrying the pack I got cuffed.

When Liz showed up at the station the next morning, she just stared at me, didn't say a word. An hour or so after I got home she threw a duffle at me.

"Pack. You're going to live with your uncle in Stars Hollow, Connecticut. Your bus leaves at six tomorrow morning."

That was all she said. I'm telling you, she didn't care.


	4. Chapter Four

Please read the author's note at the end of the chapter!

Jess' Book

Chapter Four

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Not Good-Bye, Good Kiss, Bad Bus Ride

Liz told me that the bus left at six. That's exactly why I woke at a four-thirty. My mom was passed out on the couch by then, so it wasn't like she was going to see me off. I showered, changed, and slipped a book in my back pocket as I left. But it's never that easy. No one can leave without saying good-by to someone, even if you've been all alone. By five o'clock, I managed to get to Darren's place. That's where everyone had crashed after the steak house incident. When I the door opened my stomach dropped. It had to be Meri. She had to be the one to open the door. Noticing the duffle on my shoulder, her jaw dropped.

"She's making you leave?" 

"Huh, that's what that bag is for?" I asked her sarcastically. It was easier that way; if I made it light the pain wasn't as bad.

"Don't Jess, don't joke. God, I can't believe Liz is making you leave."

"I know. It sucks," I leaned against the door jam and sighed. She grabbed my arm and pulled me into the apartment. 

"If you wanted me, all you had to do was ask, Meri." I smirked. It was easy to get under her skin.

"What did my previous statement say about joking right now?"

"Not to do it," I answered. I looked at the ground and acted like a young boy who had been caught stealing a cookie from the cookie jar. In all honesty, I did feel like a child. A lost child. I seemed worldly, but I had never left the state of New York in my life. I didn't want to leave my home, and my friends-my family. 

I looked up and searched for her eyes. Understanding. That's what I saw in her. She knew I needed reassurance that everything would be okay. She shut the door, pushed the duffle off my shoulder, and then I felt her lips graze mine. It took me a second to get over the shock, but then I pulled her close to me and kissed her back. At the moment, I hadn't been thinking of anything else but that kiss. I needed something real, something in the moment, and that's what I got. It wasn't urgent, but no one could have said it was the gentlest kiss ever. 

After a moment, we left each other breathless. She smiled as she squeezed my arm, and led me to the back room where everyone had crashed for the night. Darren was lying on his bed with Krystal in his arms, while Angel lay in curled up in the beanbag chair in the middle of the room. An empty sleeping bag was also on the floor. Meri would always take the worst accommodations. She never asked much of anyone. Give her a roof over her head and she won't ask for food. Give her some cash and she won't ask for anymore. That's the way she had always been. I can't tell you how many times she had slept in my apartment while her mom had the boyfriends over. 

Meri bent down, poked Angel and then shoved Darren to wake him up. Angel was a light sleeper so when she opened her eyes she just smiled and stood up to hug me. Darren was another story. He groaned as Meri and Angel both shoved him again. He only did wake him when Krystal turned and kissed him. 

There were never any 'good-byes.' Good-bye meant forever. This wouldn't be forever. I would come back. 

When I got on the bus I found the only open widow seat and slipped on my headphones to my portable c.d. player. It had been a birthday present that everyone had chipped in to get. As the sounds of Tool flowed into me ears, I leaned my head against the cold, glass window. Only when someone tapped my shoulder to I turn. There was a blond girl who couldn't have been older than fourteen standing there.

"Can I sit here?" she asked. 

I shrugged, "Free country."

"Thanks. You getting shipped off too? My mom thinks I'm getting into too much trouble. Now I have to go live with my grandmother. She's some rich snob or something. Never really met her." I took off my head phones to interrupt her before she launched into her entire life story.

"Do you mind? Some people are trying to ignore others and bask in their psychotic lives. Now, if it's okay with you Ms. Troublemaker, I'm going to go back to listening to my c.d." I put them over my ears and turned the music all the way up because when I looked at her again, she was still rambling.

A few hours later the bus stopped in Stars Hollow. My new home. I climbed off the bus with my duffle over my shoulder. There was a man standing there in a plaid shirt with a backwards baseball cap on his head. He looked as if he didn't even belong.

"Jess?" he questioned me.

"Luke." I said. After a moment he gestured for me to follow him, and I did. I followed him to my new hell.

A/N: I'm sorry for the ever so long delay. It's been so crazy with the move, and boxes, and new school. But I'm planning on working on it much more. What I need to know is the opinions of the readers of this fic who care. I have an idea that will involve more of Meri. I know I want to do a couple of Jess POV of stuff that happened in the show, but then it will turn AU from maybe at a season two point. What do you guys think? Oh, and by the way, if there are any grammar mistakes, please let me know. I'm typing this REALLY late and I can hardly keep my eyes open. Which is bad because I have softball pictures and a game tomorrow. 

Also, I'm really happy, 'cause we had to write this poem for class and I got ALL the points possible for it! YAY ME!!!! Okay, I'm almost done. Just hit that little review button, c'mon you know you want to. You want to tell me just how much you **_love_** this fic. LOL. Okay, now I'm done. Lata!


	5. Chapter Five

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A/N: There really isn't an excuse for not updating except the lack of knowing how to write down my ideas for this fan fiction. I'm really sorry times a thousand. **Smiles while turning away from the glares** Here is the new part. I will try to update more often with longer chapters than before. Also, I'm skipping a lot of time in here because I tend to find it boring to write out old episodes from Jess' POV. 

Off topic rant: deeply sorry about this, but I need to say it. Has anyone noticed that every time we see Sherry her hair is lighter and that she seems to get more ditzy-er each episode she's in? Maybe it's just me and hating that she was getting in the way of the Rory-Lorelai best friend/mother-daughter thing. **Shrugs** 

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Missing You

Chapter Five

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*Timeline: Between **A-Tisket, A-Tasket** (the picnic basket episode) and **It Should Have Been Lorelei **(the episode where Sherry is first shown)_*_

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I went back to the bridge the day after the picnic. It was great just to be able to talk to Rory without her worrying that Dean would show up. Me? I couldn't care less what he thought. If he even _thought_, that is. It's no secret that I hate him. Maybe it's the fact that he was with this amazing girl and didn't appreciate her or know that much about her. Maybe it was because he had the picture perfect family while I was stuck with a drunken mother and a gruff, non-emotional uncle. Maybe it was because it had been guys like him who had messed with me back in New York. The ones who thought they were better than me so they just beat the shit out of me, but it didn't matter. 

I shoved my hands in my pockets as I walked to the center of the bridge. I played with the bracelet. I knew I should have given it back, but it wasn't my style. If she'd noticed that she was missing it, maybe I would have given it back. She didn't miss it though. She was too busy telling me that I should try and read Ayn Rand again. I sighed as I pulled the bracelet out of my pocket. I held it over the water. I could just drop it. She wouldn't miss it. It would show that she wouldn't miss _him_ either. I let it fall from my hand, but then I caught it again a second later. 

No, I couldn't drop it. She would miss it sooner or later. Which would also mean she'd miss _him. _She'd never miss my books or me. That's because there was no need. _He_ was with her. Not me, _him. _I slipped it into my pocket. I'd give it back, but only when she missed it. Later though, she wasn't missing anything because when I walked back into the dinner for the afternoon rush, she sat at the counter. In front of her was a coffee cup and _The Sun Also Rises_. I shrugged out of my jacket and put it on the coat rack by the door. Maybe she would miss me. Maybe.

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*Timeline: After **Lorelai's Graduation Day**_*_

She missed me. She actually missed me. She skipped school, got on a bus, came to New York, just to see me. I'd come back and stayed with Darren, Krystal, and Angel. I'd missed my friends, but it didn't feel possible that I could miss Rory more in only a few days that I did my friend in almost a year. She had the bracelet on though. I hated that bracelet. I'd told Darren about Rory. He told me I was whipped. He called me a puppy dog. You could say I was. I followed her back home. Doesn't that sound like a puppy dog? I really was whipped, and oddly enough, I found it okay.

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*Timeline: After **I Can't Get Started** (last episode of season three) _Rory's been gone fore two weeks.*_

I found it okay until she kissed me and then left with no noticed. That's when it stopped being okay. That's when I got angry. It seemed she had only kissed me as an in the moment sort of thing. I met this girl, Shane, while Rory was gone. I hardly knew her name. It didn't matter though. I just needed someone to take my mind off of Rory. Shane didn't help get Rory off my mind because no matter how much Rory hurt me by what she did, no matter how mad I was: I was still whipped. Now, being whipped wasn't okay. It was just down right cruel. 

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A/N: I'll work on it more, I promise! I know how I want this to go. Now, I'm going to go to bed. It's 1:00 in the morning. *sigh* I need sleep.

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Liz

  



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